#i miss my sister but it's worth it
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Guys I miss my puppy soooooo much.......and I dont get to see her until Monday thats three more days not even counting the rest of today..........Bring Me My Baby Girl
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#id in alt text#thalia posting#on the plane home from france where i went for a week#to visit my sister and meet her adorable and perfect new baby#worth it and so fun and i had a great time#but now i miss my bed my apartment my shower#and most importantly. my babygirl sweetheart face perfect head thalia
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Just got a rude reminder about how great it is to never have children/ be an only child.
There's too much drama involved with dying, apparently.
#when grandaddy died. everyone was arguing over this and that. speaking over his widow and trying to plan his funeral instead of her and his#two daughters. three people who truly knew and listened to him. My mom was almost forced out of the first row at the funeral service by her#step brothers. mom and I got cheated out of things that were bequethed to us. and there was a lot of fighting.#my brother died and his son wanted some ashes. Momma didn't know until it was too late bc my nephews mom and her family wanted to start shit#he was not allowed to come with us to the graveyard. they forced him to leave before he could speak for himself.#some old man just died and my mom's friend (who made herself the center of attention at my brother's funeral) just called bitching and#cussin about some body shooting a dog and starting all kinds of shit over dogs and land and all that jazz like#and watching Dallas... both J.R. Ewings are obsessed with money. land. succession. and inheritance. and they always start trouble over that#Miss Ellie's brother came around bc he was dying and wanted to spend his last days with his sister while Jock and Jr started shit about land#ownership. Garrison didn't want Sourhfork even though HE inherited the ranch like. bro#how am I the only normal person in this shitshow?? I have Bipolar AuDHD!?!?!?! I halluncinate! BRO!!#death#inheritance#succession#family drama#ugh#tbh#even if my brother was alive I feel like there would be less drama between him and I.#I think I'd just take what I wanted and leave the rest with him. Is that what Mama wants? Absolutely not...#but I don't care. We can't take anything with us when we go. It'll all end up in a dump. antique shop. or collector's house anyway#none of it matters#most people never leave a mark on the world and THAT'S OKAY! we don't have to be remarkable to have worth right now#everyone will die when it's time for them to... no need to kick up a fuss.#the land might end up ruined or sold to the government or developed into something amazing. so what?#you're dead! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!! that's the beauty of it all!#the shortness. the finality of it all. Life's too short for bullshit. You gotta party like it's your last day. every day.#one of the most rebellious things we can do in the fave of facism is to live true and unbothered (i know it's difficult)#if They want to suffer. They can. Don't submit in advance! I believe in Hope. It's all we have#I'll get my top surgery in time. I'll make my transition! I'll pick a name!! I believe in a future where We can live happier!#because I love humanity! I love the Earth and everything she has to offer. The endless beauty of living in spite of it all
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Someday Iâm going to relearn all those piano pieces I was forced to stress over and memorize to a T for recitals and competitions and anytime people came over and my parents wanted to show off for ME and no one else. Being told that piano was my âgiftâ and âpurposeâ and I was never supposed to take a break from it or do activities outside of it or else I would be squandering my âgift from godâ, and being treated like a fucking show pony absolutely RUINED piano for me. After I had my near complete breakdown and quit with the piano teacher I was with I couldnât even touch the keyboard without the fear of being watched or recorded or used as a bragging rite. I was only good for one thing and nothing else. Anytime I watch my recital videos back I can HEAR the sheer amount of anxiety that riddled my playing. Someday I want to relearn those pieces without all the stress, without the crushing feeling that this is my only worth.
#gifted kid burnout#religious trauma#I miss the pieces#trauma dump ig#sorry#just kills me that I was literally good for nothing else but piano#thatâs the only thing people found worth in me for#that and being the âhelpful sisterâ#because evangelicalism LOVES parentifying the kids!#and my fuckass dad was worthless
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...
#its seems we really may be at the end of vanity#i missed a call from my dad and thought we might be in a connors birthday situation but no. not yet#he did say that it feels like this is it bc my mom's situation is complicated bc she has so much wrong at this point#its like a h0use md episode. the doctors dont seem to kno what to do and shes not very coherent#so my dad was saying that i should look at flights and by tonight hell let me kno if i should pull the trigger and buy a one way ticket home#it sucks. he sounds rough. i feel so bad for him. his wife of 29 years is dying#its not fair. shes only 53#i wanna be there but im stuck here across the country. i wanna go home. thats a bit frighting tho bc itll take me at least 10 hrs to travel#and i dont want her to die while im in the air but i also dont want her to suffer#i hope she gets better but if she doenst i hope its fast. there dont seem to do any good options. shes so tried and its so complicated#and if she does get better than this then what would that even mean? my sister says it doesnt feel like there will b a better anymore after#this. and bless her to the ends of the earth she reached out this morning and was giving me updates#comforting to kno im not just being dramatic. its actually just really bleak#its kinda funny tho. my sister was like meh it doesnt seem so bad and then like 10min later she was like yeah no i was wrong its sorta#horrible apprently shes been deterorating#god. if i go back home do i take clothes for a funeral? do i keep up to date with my genomics class? will i become offset from my graduate#cohort? will i get my wish to play with legos at home? all questions worth considering#well. ill deal with whatever comes. so it goes. itll b fine. i mean ill b fine#just sad ya kno?#three weeks ago she was alright and saying she could fly out to take care of me after oral surgery#now shes dying#unrelated
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top 3 asian daughter moments:
buying the new jeans beach bag album at barnes & nobles for five bucks. FIVE. BUCKS.
#this was before the boycott btw#i literally almost cried when i saw the $5 sticker#i missed my uber bc i was checking it out#but#it was worth it#gave it to my sister#and kept the bag#but x2#my mom was so proud of me LMFAOAOAOAOAO#hannyoontify.misc
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been having too many matoba sibling thoughts đ
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#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#my art#natsume's book of friends#seiji matoba#matoba seiji#miss matoba#hiding my explanation in the tags bc iâm a coward#but i really think seeing seijiâs eye would really pain his sister#itâd be like a constant reminder of what wouldâve happened to her (n maybe wishing it wouldâve been her instead of her little brother)#i think at a young age she understood that she really wasnât worth anything to the clan since she wasnât able to see youkai#(sticking to that idea)#god i need to know about her more or iâll end up writing her myself lmfao
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something is just like wrong with me and i deserve to be put down i think
#cant even fucking bike up a hill without panting and crying#and im stuck on campus and i have to bike back#i wish i was skinny i wish i wish i wish. if i was skinny it would be acceptable for me to not be able to bike#physical weakness would be okay#but im horrible and disgusting and i just keep making it worse#i cant enjoy anything and i dont even want to go home#because my sister keeps pushing me to exercise and i cant without feeling like this#every time she says âhey come biking come rock climbing can you at least come for a walkâ#its like. reminder! you need to do something to fix your fucking body!#gonna end up missing a weeks worth of my favourite class cause im stuck crying in the fucking bathroom#and i have so much fucking work to do and i dont do any of it#i just want to lay in a ditch and decompose#i cant even fucking cry in peace cause some bitch is in this bathroom brushing her teeth
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The first sleeve I made for my costume! I'm going as a Druid who can shift into a dragon đČ
First time making chainmail and actually building a costume myself!
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And of course included in the photoset is the necklace that inspired my scalemail, it was a gift I got from my family
The lighting in my house makes everything look so blue but it's all pride themed! Can't wait to take some pics in the sun so the purple can really shine through!!
#Btw I made this for a ren Faire costume#I'm going to make a matching sleeve for my other arm too!#The links are done I just need to get some leather to lace it up with and also strengthen some of the rings#Might add a few links to what I'll call the 'flight' scales on the sides because they lay kinda funny#But I'm super happy with it!!!!#Definitely worth the like 2 hours of just planning the pattern and figuring out how to hold the pliers#I altered a hat one time for a pirate cosplay but that was just some glue and patience#This is a whole other ordeal lol#Not the most polished project but I'm positive the second one will be much better#Then when I get the rest of my materials. hopefully soon. I can begin on my skirt#Sadly I couldn't find the Grey scales that're in the necklace anywhere#Apparently they were painted pewter and have been discontinued :/#But still! I'm also planning on building a skirt that'll have all 4 colors in it so hopefully that makes up for the lack of Grey in these#And my other scalemail type stuff#I got some custom earrings and a cloak clasp that I'll add to my outfit as well#It's gonna be so cool all together!!!#I just hope everything arrives on time đ#I still have to get my dress to my sister or be altered and learn the pattern for the skirt oof#Shouldn't be too hard once I get my stuff but I couldn't even begin cause I was missing the most important ring size#Of course it'd be to where I couldn't preassemble all that much ahead of time when my whole plan hinged on that#It's a unit based pattern so it seemed perfect for me in case I ran out of time assembling enough I could string them together#But I can't even start the first piece!!!#Also the larger rings probably would've been better to start learning on#These tiny ones were a pain in the ass lol
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day one million and one of the struggle of whether to come out to my parents or not
#u can tell the therapy is working bc i've been trying (w mixed results) to float opportunities to have more vulnerable conversations w them#i'm proud of myself for that#up until recently i don't think i could have faced the idea that my feelings are worth bringing up unprompted#even when it's positive things like 'this meant a lot to me' or 'i'm happy to see you'#there has always been this internal pressure to hide and keep my emotional distance and be only and exactly what i'm supposed to be...#but back on topic: the creating openings and taking initiative thing has also been difficult bc it leaves me open to disappointment#i know you can't force ppl to meet you or even (intimately familiar w this one) understand what you're trying to say#and i hated it when my sister's response to this failure to react was to try to manipulate a 'correct' response out of them#so i don't wanna find myself doing that#but if i'm not gonna do that then i have to admit that (1) i didn't get what i want and (2) maybe can't or won't#and while that's not New per se (i have been resigned to not getting what i want emotionally for most of my life)#it still stings and it feels kind of raw bc i am new to acknowledging validating and/or even feeling my feelings#if there is one thing i have been learning from therapy it is that it is okay if it takes time or if something doesn't work#and that sometimes it takes others time too so even if everything isn't hugging and crying in the moment it doesn't necessarily mean#that nothing got through#so i'm not ready to give up yet or refuse to try something different#it's just that i feel i need to get some hint that they'll give me something back other than 'ok' and change the subject b4 i try coming out#i am more and more convinced that it's something i want to do; because keeping this from them makes me so sad#accepting that i am queer and opening myself up to being honest about that has allowed me to be so much happier#but it's a happiness i can't share with them. and it feels like such a loss that i can't let them see me happy#even so all the same i feel like i have to try to reach out to them and make them hear that i love them before i can do that#because it would break my fucking heart if it made them treat me like a stranger#i sometimes still don't feel like they treat me like their kid so much as a cordial acquaintance or a colleague#but those moments of love really mean the world to me and i feel like i have to find a way to fill myself up on it in case i lose it#on some level i know it can't all be gooey emotion and there's no way around having to feel some feelings alone#but that little taste of connection... the night of T's wedding... i know it CAN happen and it makes it so hard to keep reaching and missing
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Also idk why this trip so far has me thinking about my other sister . Like would she be proud or excited that Iâm finally out of Arbington? Would she be happy Iâm finally growing up?
#i donât even know how to begin looking for her#idk if sheâd even want to talk to me#she only ever writes to ahni which is fine#but also#that kinda hurts#i miss my big sister man đ#sometimes I wonder if [redacted] is even worth losing her over#astravia and further
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#to see him so joyful makes me miserable#but like- thats what i deserve you know? misery- im not a good person and never will be#normally i write these posts w/ little to no person in mind#this time i have one- it being Barrett ofc#i wish he'd understand i am not worth the trouble ive caused- nor the pain- not even the air i breathe is worth it for the trees#just- please realize the world is bettwr with you and blue- my sister is lovely- shes so kind- shes has hobbies- blue loves so much-#blues heart is filled with love#she cares you know- shes better than i in that way#love her- its all shes ever deserved#she'll never admit it but she hurts- her heart aches- shes misses him every day- you lessen the pain you know-#she never talks about him bc i hate him- bc he hurt me- but he loved her#they always love my family#i was not made to be loved- im made to be used- im a doll through and through- just- please love my sister#0
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i think it's really important that everyone knows i grew up thinking it was normal to keep a mini hand saw under your couch cushions because my papa kept one there to saw open bottles we couldn't open with our hands
#i miss watching him randomly whip out a saw to open my bottle of red kola#i miss him watching sister act then immediately following it up with a western noone had ever heard of before cuz it was like 65 years old#he truly was a charcater and his lore is insane he was mentioned in a book once for seiving around a local band during the 80s in his van#he once walked out of hospital early after having a heart attack to see me do a dance show that truly wasnt worth it
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#vent ahead#suicide mention#everythings been really really hard lately#ive not been going to college much to im behind on all my subjects and might genuinely fail my a levels in the summer#which yk are only like 2 months away#i cant wake up in the morning im exhausted all the time#feel like crying in the day and im bored out of my mind but cant bring myself to do any work because it scares me how much i have to do#today i woke up at 3pm and missed all of school and idek what i need to catch up on because atp its like 2 weeks worth of lessons#i went to a litter pick w the kids activity group i volunteer w and that was nice#saw my first bat of the year in the park and that did cheer me up#and had a nice meal my sister made#things are in a weird place where i feel like i want to die but i KNOW theres worth in living#not even just trying to stay alive for the sake of my family and friends#im probably not going to university next year. my councillor at school doesnt think im in a good place for it#which sucks but we will see#gonna try to book an appointment w my GP tomorrow because im at a breaking point#p
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i miss my sorta sister :(
#our brother told me she moved out of state a bit ago and i didn't even know until then#(for context: my sorta sister is the half sibling of my half siblings. we're not related by blood but we share a big brother + big sister)#(hence the title of âsorta siblingâ)#it's been ages since ive seen her and i really do miss hanging out#i should text her sometime. idk if her number's still the same or not but it's worth a shot i guess
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yall guess what I found at the con
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#XENOGEARS BABYYY#that is VERY impressive considering it wasn't a real con and it was a popup event in the middle of nowhere.#A Glorified yardsale; if you will. With nothing but Star wars and comic books and Pokemon . But I found xeno series stuff hell yeah#They also had xenosaga ep 2 Japan edition but I didn't have the money for both#Didn't have money for mine and my sisters lunch either so we owe someone like 40 bucks now :(#But it's worth it...for xenogears#Only xeno game I don't own now is Xenoblade X which I'm praying gets a switch port.#praying every xeno game gets a switch port actually id love for everything to just be on one console#but X especially because I don't have and probably never will have a Wii u. At least I have a ps2#might get the Wii edition of Xenoblade 1 sometime just bc it looks funky and I wanna experience that#Ik this is Japan edition and I can't play it without trying to mod my PS2 and risk bricking it but....Hush.#Still on the lookout for an affordable English edition#But at least my brainrot shelf will look a little more complete now#Also Ganon and guardian now â„ïž#was supposed to get shulk amiibo and like 4 other Loz ones gifted to me but ig she changed her mind and I didn't#Press bc I didn't wanna seem entitled. A gift is a gift and at least I got ganon#rip shulk tho. I saw they got officially restocked the other day and immediately sold out so I missed it *yet again*
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as sick as it sounds, i loved you first. 1
LN x fem!leclerc reader
part 1 of 2 -> find part two linked HERE!
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in which you just canât help yourself and neither can landoâŠ
IâM BACK BITCHES!!!! hi sorry itâs been a while but we are back with what i hope is a bang lol. iâve missed writing so much and as stressful as this was, iâm so so glad to be uploading something! i worked hard on this one and, of course, now i hate it whoops, but my girlie @lavenderlando made this possible and worth it. thatâs my hype woman fr fr. N E WAY enjoy! lemme know what you think, and use some imagination for the timelineâŠ
songs to set the vibe: i love you, iâm sorry by gracie abrams, 2hands by tate mcrae, love in the dark by adele, illicit affairs by taylor swift, think twice by suki waterhouse
warnings: 18+!! minors GO AWAY! smut, angst, fluff, kinda enemies to lovers? kinda? r is charles sister oop, miscommunication, both of them are down bad for eachother but they are also extremely dumb! breeding kink, size kink, pain kink (if u squint), unprotected p in v (donât be silly!),
part 1: 10.3k words
1. oncoming trafficÂ
âhey, osc, whoâs that girl hanging around leclerc? thought he was still with alex.â lando tries his best to sound nonchalant, but oscar can see through him like a freshly buffed window, the way lando clears his throat and nervously ruffles his unruly hair.Â
âmate, i know youâre not the sharpest but i didnât think you were that slow.â oscar laughs, side-eyeing the brit. he was baffled that lando was even asking. lando just shoots him a glare. âwait, you really donât know?â landoâs glare hardens further, his eyes demanding an answer and oscar just laughs. âthatâs his sister, you idiot. how have you never seen her?âÂ
lando didnât know how heâd never seen her. this year had been nonstop, what with the pseudo-championship battle and the never ending media shitstorm that rained on him whenever he reared his head. heâd also learned in his years of racing never to look too closely at the women in another drivers entourage. thatâs how you ended up in the wall during a race. but charlesâ sister? how had he never noticed?Â
âmaybe i should go and introduce myself.â lando trailed off thoughtfully, his voice remaining playful. oscar snorted beside him, adjusting his racesuit.Â
âooh, yeah, send twitter into a frenzy. itâs been boring lately.â the aussie driver drawls sarcastically, successfully dodging landoâs rapidly approaching elbow to his ribs.Â
âglad to know that you take pleasure in my never ending public humiliation!â lando grins maniacally, sauntering out of the garage, no longer any intention of seeking out the pretty girl in the short, black skirt. it was for the best.Â
heâs passing through the pit box, immersed in a groupchat thread with max and p about a trip to portugal that he didnât really want to go on, and bam! like the idiot oscar had just accused him of being, he slams blindly into oncoming traffic.Â
oncoming traffic: the pretty girl in the short, black skirt.
âare you incapable of looking where youâre going?â your accent comes out thick, low with rage. it tickles his brain, like heâs heard it before. lando opens his mouth, like a fish out of water, closes it again pathetically. âseriously, for a pilot you have abysmal spacial awareness!âÂ
âsorry⊠what the fuck.â lando mutters. why is this woman shouting at him like she knows him? like he regularly barrels into her?Â
âlando, yes?â youâve calmed down a bit now, but you still speak through gritted teeth.Â
ââŠyes?â he replies like heâs not so sure.Â
âlearn to look where youâre going.â you wrinkle your nose, composing yourself before stepping around him and strutting down the pitlane as if nothing had happened.Â
lando stands there, fixed in place, watching her walk away in utter confusion.Â
âsmooth!â oscar calls from inside the garage, flanked by several laughing mechanics.Â
âgo fuck yourself!â landoâs flushed red, now, and beelineâs for the pit wall.Â
heâs out of earshot when oscar says it.Â
âthink he just met his wife, boys.âÂ
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lando is staring at the data on the screen when it hits him, willâs voice somewhere far away all of the sudden.Â
the mysterious leclerc had every right to reprimand him, because she was right. he did need to learn how to look where heâs going.Â
sheâd told him that already, during their actual first meeting.Â
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2. the first collisionÂ
the music was too loud, suffocating him along with the overbearing smell of cheap perfume, but the alcohol in his system and the outpouring of validation kept lando going.Â
three time race winner, lando norris.Â
five years of clawing back points and grabbing at podiums with two impatient hands had built up to this, to the incomparable glory of gracing that prestigious top step, and lando wasnât about to let go of this moment just because of a pressing headache. max and pietra were waiting for him in a booth, surrounded by the rest of landoâs touring entourage. he was wracking up quite the tab, but it was all worth it. every slap on the back, seductive grin sent his way, made it worth it.Â
heâs stumbling over his feet, wasted, or close to it, grinning lazily, peering through hooded eyes. the vodka cranberry in his hand is sloshing dangerously around in the glass, his careless movements propelling him towards disaster.Â
lando hears the splatter of liquid, first, the scoff of disgust immediately after. long hair whips against his face as she turns, eyes wide with fury, set into a face that was never meant to look angry. he can smell vanilla, flowers. sheâs an angel, turned devilish under the strobe lights, her delicate face morphing when he takes in the sight of him.Â
âare you fucking serious? mon dieu!â her accent twists his tummy, as does the increasingly see-through material of her tight white dress, layers of chiffon turning transparent with the stark red liquid. itâs all over her back, running slowly down the length of her exposed thighs, sticky. lando stands there, utterly transfixed and useless. she looks like she might slap him; he kind of wants her to. âof course, just stand there. fucking pilots.âÂ
she mutters the last part and lando gulps. what does she know about other drivers? the implication makes his skin crawl for no reason, the idea of this nameless, mystery woman being familiar with his co-workers. heâs flushed with embarrassment for a multitude of reasons, opening his mouth just to close it again.Â
ââm sorry!â he finally calls out to her, over the music. can the dj turn that shit down? âcan i buy you a drink?â she just glares at him, gesturing at her ruined dress. âor⊠a new dress?â lando tries again, flashing what he hopes are puppy dog eyes.Â
he wants to take her back to his hotel room, lick the sweet liquid off of her frame, lap at her til sheâs clean and crying. he wants to peel the stained white material off, tear it a little - itâs already ruined anyway! he canât, though, because sheâs wrinkling her nose at him, eyebrow raised, judging, and heâs awash with embarrassment all over again. the club spins and he feels nauseous. he finds maxâs eyes on him, his friend stifling laughter at the tragic scene.Â
sheâs gone when he looks back, seems to have disappeared into a cloud of distinctly expensive perfume, and her friends are curling their lips up at him, dismissive. they donât care who he is. he wonders if theyâre redbull fans, ferrari fans, perhaps.Â
heâs met with hoots of laughter as he slumps into the booth. he grabs a shot without a thought, doesnât even register what liquor it is as it slides down his thick throat.Â
âcanât believe you just did that. only you would spill a drink all over leclercâs sister.â max teases, elbowing him playfully.Â
âwha- he has a sister?â lando slurs, spluttering.Â
he doesnât remember much after that.Â
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tagged: francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, charles_leclerc
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youruser: shoutout to the guy that spilled his drink all over me!
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3. the watchful eyes of the big, black horseÂ
your arm is linked with kikaâs, giggling with her as you walk through the paddock.Â
âwhat about him?â kika whispers, pointing her chin towards one of the passing alpine mechanics. heâs blonde, pale, eyes dark. âpierre said he heard that heâs good with the ladies.â she wiggles her eyebrows and your cheeks heat up, swatting her playfully.Â
âi am not about to get a reputation for sleeping my way through the paddock.â you scoff. âplus, heâs not my type.â you shrug.Â
âyou need to start putting yourself out there more, you keep saying you want someone.â the portuguese girl reasons. you nod sheepishly.Â
âi donât wanna look for something, i want it to find me. is that pathetic? i just see how you are with pierre, how alex is with charles, and thatâs what i want. something⊠real.â you sigh. kika sees the way your eyes gloss over with sadness.Â
âitâs never as easy and as perfect as it looks, babe, trust me. and anyway, maybe just focus on⊠the thing you were telling me about.â kika lowers her voice, giving you the look.
âshut up!â you squeal. âgod, i am not discussing that here!âÂ
âdiscussing what?â you hear pierre before you see him, hot with embarrassment. youâve know him since before you could even walk, which is why you have no problem voicing your deepest, darkest shame.Â
âhow iâm not getting laid, apparently!â you drawl sarcastically, slapping your hand over your forehead.Â
a poorly concealed laugh that you donât recognise has you whipping around, eyes wide with bewilderment. itâs hearty, smooth, surprisingly warming. you practically growl when your eyes land on the source of the noise, standing next to pierre who looks embarrassed for you, his lips pressed thinly together to prevent himself from cackling.Â
âwhy is he here?â you grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes so tightly shut that you feel a pang in your temples.Â
âas polite as ever.â lando smirks. you open
your eyes just in time to catch him eyeing up the skin of your thighs that your skirt doesnât quite cover. is he checking you out?Â
âsays the drink spiller.â you bite back, rolling your eyes.Â
âhey, i tried to pay for the damage.â lando looks utterly amused, pink lips still twisted into a punch-worthy smirk.Â
âso, youâve met lando, then.â pierre grins, staring between you both. you donât register the way heâs trading looks with kika, watching whatever this scene is unfold.Â
âunfortunately!â you smile tightly at the racing drivers.Â
âpretty sure you walked into me that second time. distracting me in the workplace, or something.â lando chimes in, enjoying this all a bit too much.Â
âif you did a better job at looking where youâre going-âÂ
âokay, so this has been delightful!â pierre buts in, knowing that you have the shortest temper of all the leclerc offspring. âyou,â he points at you. âget laid. you,â he points at lando. âdonât piss her off, you wonât like the result.â
kika can only send you a sympathetic smile, and remind you of the coffee date you have scheduled for tomorrow morning, as sheâs dragged away from your place of social suicide. pierre winks, tilts his head far too pointedly for your liking towards lando. you fantasise, in that moment, of clawing his eyes out.Â
âi am sorry, for the record.â lando smiles at you, genuine and gleaming. something inside of you twists.Â
âfor which time?â youâre just teasing now, but he doesnât need to know that.Â
âyou have quite the attitude on you. that why youâre not getting any?â
youâre about to rip his head off and give max an even easier ride towards the championship, but lando steps forward. you can smell old spice, tangy and alluring and masculine.Â
âhow fucking dare you-âÂ
âbecause most men donât know what to do with a woman like you. donât know how to treat them right.â heâs so confident when he says it, leaning towards you in a way you can only describe as enticingly.Â
âoh, and you do?â you scoff, arms crossed. you must remain combative, or else youâll give in. is this rock bottom?
âiâm free tonight if you wanna find out.âÂ
âiâll be far too busy doing literally anything else.â you can only pray he hasnât caught the tremble in your voice, the ever so slight quiver of you bottom lip. you chew it into your mouth to stop yourself.Â
âbut not anyone else.â lando doesnât pose it as a question. it seems that heâs got you all figured out.Â
âwhatever helps you and your hand sleep well tonight.â you spit. thereâs heat between you, sparking into a flame that could burn down your whole life. you feel eyes burning into the back of your head - green ones that match yours. you falter. âiâm done here, lando. have a fantastic evening.âÂ
he takes another liberty, leaning in even closer. spearmint and the idea of a million bad choices flood your every pore. you can feel the big, black horse watching over you, now, set into bright yellow, adorned with ferrari red. looming, warning, turning you in.Â
âyou know, something tells me i will.âÂ
lando disappears first, not even giving you a chance you spin on your heel and storm off. you want to kill him, hurt him, sink your teeth into that bronzed, thick throat, claw into his back, down, down, down⊠until youâre on your knees and-Â
âwhy were you talking to lando?â charlesâ voice cuts through your filthy thoughts and you sign yourself over to god immediately, purifying yourself as you banish the visions of delicious sin. after all, youâre standing in the presence of il predestinato, the prince of monaco, a saint to many. but to you, heâs just your brother. your big brother, always in the way, always meddling, always, always watching. you sigh.Â
âfriendly conversation.â you quip, short. you love him dearly, would take bullets for him, but, god, he keeps you on a leash. leoâs has more give than the conceptual tether charles has to you, keeping you close, boyfriendless, out of âtroubleâ. you know why, and deep down, youâre beyond grateful, all things considered. you canât admit that, though.Â
âthatâs not how pierre described it to me.â charles raises an eyebrow, voice bitter despite the clear attempt heâs made to try and hide it.Â
âfucking pierre.â you grunt. âitâs nothing, he came over with pierre. i was with kika. first time iâve ever even had a conversation with lando.â that didnât result from a drink being spilt over you to the point of transparency. you leave that bit out - charles really doesnât need to know that.Â
charles mulls over your words, eyeing you suspiciously. you want to stomp your heeled foot like a child, a brat, scream and shout and kick and wail that he has to back the fuck off eventually, but you just smile innocently and pray he believes you.Â
âokay,â he mutters, making his peace. âi donât want you getting too⊠familiar with him. bad reputation. he used to be quite sweet until his last breakup and now he will fuck anything with a pulse.â you wrinkle your nose at your brothers crude words, feeling the need to jump in and object. but why? you donât know lando, you donât care about lando. you press your lips into a thin, painful line. âyou should go back to the hotel with alex. looks like iâll be here late.â he rolls his eyes, you know how it is.Â
âsure, good luck.â you offer, smothering the rage that pools in your belly. let me fucking live, you think. just because heâd had to swoop in and save you from yourself once before, didnât mean that you could live like this forever.Â
he has lit a spark under you, one that spreads like a wildfire towards the flame that lando ignited minutes before. if only your brother knew how to keep his big mouth shut, you wouldnât be spurred on to bad behaviour.Â
if only lando hadnât spilled that drink over you, maybe you wouldnât be opening his instagram profile and sending a message request.Â
a place. your room number. a time.Â
you only wish youâd gotten to see the devilish grin on his face when he received it.Â
lando canât want you for the reasons that other guys do. your status as charles leclercâs little sister, and the gateway to your brother that you provided, meant nothing to the brit. thatâs why youâd let him have you; he wouldnât try to take more than you wanted to give.Â
-
4. generousÂ
the knocks are soft against the door, yet they manage to have every hair on your body standing to attention. youâre quick to let him in, itching to get him inside and away from prying eyes. this is clandestine, secret, could even feel somewhat sacred once itâs over, and the last possible thing you could ever need is for another soul to know what you intend to do with lando, what you intend to let him do to you.Â
âhey.âÂ
âhi.âÂ
you stare at each other.Â
he steps forward. you donât move away. he takes it as an invitation to close the space entirely, so close that, there it is again: oldspice, except this time itâs mixed with something fresh, shower gel you guess, sea salt. his curls are crisper than they were a few hours ago, still damp from the shower he must have just taken.Â
âwhat changed your mind?â he asks.Â
âi was feeling generous.â you deadpan. he bites back a laugh.Â
âgenerous, huh?â
âvery.âÂ
âconsidering your alleged dry spell, iâd say iâm the generous one, no?â his voiced is edged with something dark, dropped a few octaves. you could absolutely squirm under his gaze, but you hold strong.Â
âyou know where the door is if thatâs how youâre gonna be.â you coo, mocking his seductive undercurrent. all he does is flash his teeth, grinning cheekily, his way of accepting your challenge, your attitude.Â
âi think you want me to stay, honey.âÂ
honey. you fear it works on you. the gap closes even further, you fear itâs your doing.Â
âyouâre only getting this opportunity because i invited you here.â your resolve is slipping. youâve admitted that you want him in your pathetic bid to hold the power, when the truth is, you want him to pounce on you, strip away every layer and barrier and make you see stars, feel euphoric.Â
âokay, honey, whatever you say.â he chuckles, cruel and taunting. âso, how dry of a spell has it been? wanna know what iâm working with.âÂ
lando touches you then, lightning shooting down your arm as he traces from your elbow down to your fingers, featherlight, barely there, a ghost of a touch that haunts you so deliciously. your fingers intertwine. you initiate it, but really, itâs his fault. this is all his fault.
you try and laugh, but it sounds broken, quivering itâs way out from your dry throat.Â
âdry.â
he just stares at you, expectant. he needs to hear more, needs to know. he craves details about you, has ever since you body slammed him outside his garage - leading to some very covert instagram stalking on his behalf and his oh so convenient way of worming his way into a conversation with pierre when lando could see that the other driver was on his way over towards you. itâs pathetic, maybe, but he craves you the way one craves nicotine forever after just one puff of a cigarette. he has you, just for tonight, maybe longer if he gets this right, so he will know everything he needs to know so that he can touch you just how you need.Â
âiâve only⊠itâs been a while.âÂ
he sees right through you.Â
âyouâve only what?â he presses. he needs to know.
âiâve only done this once.â you whisper. itâs the meekest heâs seen you. he loathes it.Â
âand was it good?â lando murmurs so attentively that you want to cry.Â
your fourth interaction with this man, and he has you melting.Â
ânot really.âÂ
âdo you trust me?â his nose is bumping yours. youâre locked in, twitching. he has both hands on you, now, one still laced with yours, the other trailing up your arm, tempted to brush his fingertips against the taut skin of your neck.Â
how the fuck can i trust you? i donât know you! what the fuck are we doing? what the fuck am i doing?
thatâs not what you say, though, because for some reason, you are so sickeningly comfortable and okay that you worry that something is wrong with you.Â
âyes.â
âthen this time will be so, so much better. iâll make it all better.âÂ
when his lips meet yours, youâre surprised at how good it immediately feels. you donât know what you were expecting, but his lips are plush, enveloping yours softly, but firm enough that you sink into him, allowing him to cement that grip on the side of your neck that heâd been taunting you with.Â
he kisses you like heâs sure of everything, like this is second nature and youâve done it a thousand times. you want to kiss him a thousand times. why itâs so good, youâre not sure, but it gives you the confidence to lean into him, grab the bottom of his hoodie in your hands and tug.Â
âbe patient, ân iâll make you feel so good, honey, i promise.â he mouths down your cheek, nipping at your jaw, down your neck until he finds that special spot below your ear. he nibbles there, lapping his tongue over your sensitive skin like he already knows your body. you want to see just how familiar with you he can get. âbut,â he punctuates the word with a sharp bite. you both dread and revel in the mark it will leave. âyou have to behave for me, okay?âÂ
his words are whispered against the shell of your ear and you shiver, eyes rolled back already. you wonder if heâll get them to do a full three-sixty rotation in your skull.Â
ââkay.â you breathe, mindless, floating away. itâs already better than last time.
ââkayâ?â he mocks. âno, honey, you gotta promise me. can you promise me?âÂ
âpromise.â you lock eyes, conveying your obedience. his eyes blow wide, pupils dilating to shove away the mysterious bluey green. his teeth grit. he knows heâs hit the jackpot.Â
âgood girl.âÂ
youâre stripped naked, mustering all of your energy to shove his clothes off, his hoodie flying away, his sweats kicked into a faraway dark corner. youâre left naked, him in some increasingly tight boxers, and you tumble into the freshly made bed. he slinks over you, crawling on his hands and knees, predator stalking prey.Â
he stains your inner thighs purple, tugging your legs over his shoulder, huge hands warm and rough as they manoeuvre your malleable body to his liking. lando presses kisses to every inch of skin, dragging his tongue over your bare flesh before he spreads you open, sucking and tasting and savouring. he moans into you, open and wet, and it ricochets off of every nerve ending, sending your body taut and arched, catlike. youâre trying to get away, whilst simultaneously grinding yourself closed to him, feeling that broad, sharp nose of his bump messily and firmly against your clit, an ache spreading through your pelvis that makes you shake and shake and whine his name out to the gods.Â
âtaste like heaven.â landoâs words are simple, straightforward, make you bite your lip so hard you taste something metallic seeping over your tongue. âso tight, even around my tongue,â he slurs, drunk, lost. âgotta stretch you out for me. that okay, honey?â you can just about make it all out, and you nod furiously, pleading.Â
his teeth graze your clit.Â
âsay please.âÂ
âputain! please!â you kick your feet out when all he does is laugh into your wet flesh.Â
one finger grazes through your folds, parting them and collecting a mess of your slick. he looks transfixed as it drips down his finger.Â
honey.
you watch him watch how he opens you up, revelling in the utter fascination painting his features, pussy drunk and curious, transfixed.Â
âcanât believe youâve never been fucked right.â he coos, breathless, genuinely shocked. you quake under his skilful hands and his awful, sinful, dirty mouth.Â
âmore.â you plead, not ashamed by your crude begging. youâre a mess for him already, might as well get the full experience.Â
âthink you can take another?âÂ
a second finger slides in, rocking against your walls, testing the waters. you writhe, meeting his movements with shallow thrusts of your hips.Â
âfaster, i need- mon dieu! anything, lando, please just-â he really goes to town then, scissoring your dripping cunt open, curling and twisting and grinding the two digits so deep that you see white, hazy chocolate coloured curls and deep, glazed over eyes.Â
âthatâs it, honey, there you go. so fucking pretty for me.â lando whispers the last bit, awestruck, and youâd take the time to wonder why if you werenât on the verge of tears, overstimulated, ears ringing. your orgasm crashes over you like a surge of electricity, tearing through your body like itâs trying to escape and take cover. itâs so strong that youâre damp everywhere, sweating and crying and so fucking shocked that it can feel like this.Â
âlando.â you pant, mouth dry, voice hoarse. Â
âyou did so good. was it okay?â he rubs small circles into your hips, eyes flitting between your own and where youâre still leaking for him. he manages to tear his eyes away, like a trance has broken, snaking up your body until heâs laying next to you, propped up on his elbow. he hovers over you, raking his eyes over the rising and falling lines of your body.Â
âpretty good, i guess. didnât know you had it in you.â you tease, smirking lazily up at him.Â
you want to keep staring at him but your vision is blurring as your eyes begin to droop. what a long day itâs been.Â
âhigh praise coming from you.â lando reasons, laughing lightly. he strokes over your hipbone and you jolt, curling around onto your side. his skin is warm against yours, soft and smooth, and you dare you press your even closer, shy, as if he wasnât just buried mercilessly between your legs. you hum in response, spent and languid. âyou wanna get some sleep?â he asks.Â
âwe didnât⊠i mean, you didnâtâŠâ you trail off, awkward, gesturing towards his middle.Â
lando just smiles.Â
âguess iâll just have to come find you in monaco.âÂ
you flush, cheeks burning as you consider the fact that youâre gonna be in the same country, a very small, very private city. who knows what could happen?Â
you fall asleep quickly, easily, far too comfortable next to the british driver. if you were to ask, heâd say he left immediately. he watches the way you breathe far too intently, ever so slowly pulling his clothes back on. he doesnât know how long passes, but what he does know is that he canât wait to have you like this again.Â
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5. some guyÂ
you sink into the oversized armchair, sitting back and letting kika and alex talk, nattering backwards and forwards about nothing in particular. or, maybe youâre just zoned the fuck out.Â
you canât stop thinking about the way he touched you, your body littered with evidence, dark purple bruises turning a stale green between you thighs. when you woke up, you initially wondered if it was all a dream, but the dull, sweet ache thrumming through your bones told you just how real it really was. you went through the motions, embarrassed momentarily before deciding to just embrace it, try to bask in the way heâd made you feel: sexy and desirable and electric.Â
it was just a shame that it had to be him. thatâs what you kept telling yourself, at least.Â
kikaâs nodding along to a story alex is telling about leo, about to respond with a similar anecdote about simba but she gasps instead, almost spilling her americano all over herself. this gets your attention and you open your mouth to ask her is sheâs okay, but she beats you to it.Â
âmy god, what is that?â she chokes, staring at you. or, well, your neck.Â
you flush, heated, blood pooling in your cheeks.Â
youâd tried to cover it up, seriously, applying layer after layer of concealer and strategically placing your hair in such a way that you prayed it wouldnât be noticeable, but nonetheless, there it is, clear as day. red raw skin tinged purple around the seams, branded into your neck like some kind of public humiliation ritual.Â
fuck you, lando fucking norris!
you avert eye contact, leaning away from alex who is now making a point of leaning in, going as far as to push your hair back so she can get a closer look.Â
âoh my gosh!â she squeals, giggling with kika.Â
you take a long, slow gulp of coffee, not caring that it burns your tongue.Â
âwho was it? holy shit, was it lando?â kika whisper shouts and you officially drop dead on the spot, watching her connect the dots so easily.Â
âoh jesus, no! no!â you lie, feigning offence, your leg bouncing shamefully under the table. the two girls eye you suspiciously, but you assume youâve played it off well.Â
âwho, then?â alex asks. you wonder if kika has told her about yesterdays interaction.Â
âjust- i donât even know, some guy.â you huff, playing with a loose thread hanging from your jumper.Â
âsome guy? after what you were saying yesterday? okay, babe.â kika teases sarcastically. âno, cmon, who?â she pouts, leaning in as well.Â
âjust⊠someone.â you squeak, unable to look up at them.Â
âokay, well, we will find out eventually.â alex wiggles her eyebrows and you stick your tongue out, mock-glaring at your sister in law.Â
âno, the fuck you wonât.â you try and fake some confidence, scrapping for a mere shred of control.Â
yes, the fuck they will, because when you leave for the bathroom, you leave your phone unlocked like the utter fool you are. god has it out for you, you figure, because thatâs when he chooses to strike.Â
the message lando sends you is short and sweet, and alex chokes on a piece of cake when kika starts gesturing wildly at the notification that pops up on your screen.Â
for when youâre lonely at home and canât find anyone to fuck you right.
attached is his address.Â
they donât breathe a word when you come back, but they share a knowing smirk when they catch you smiling at your phone, and again when you ask if either of them have anything with a higher neckline that you can wear for the race.Â
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youruser: race day, big slay
user1: LEO!!!
alexandrasaintmleux: prettiest girl in the world
user45: lando what are you doing here đ€
6.    manners
âare you even listening to me right now?â charles scoffs, finishing off his drink out of annoyance. your eyes snap back to him, the thumping music vibrating through your body.Â
âsorry, just tipsy.â you purse your lips, attempting to lock back in on whatever heâs saying, but itâs hard. itâs hard, because sprawled out in a booth across from where you stand at the bar, lando is watching your every move.Â
youâve managed to avoid him thus far, no contact since youâd liked the DM heâd sent you a few weeks back. youâd be lying through your teeth if you said you didnât think of him and what youâd done at literally every waking moment, so the way heâs watching you, hooded eyes sparkling under the strobe lights, has you squirming. it was easier to tell yourself that, surely, it wasnât that good when he wasnât right in front of you in a half unbuttoned shirt. the navy blue fabric is wrapped around his body deliciously, taut where his muscles are, the colour popping against his tanned skin - which you can practically feel writhing against yours.Â
you wish charles would go away so you could crawl into that booth and commit public indecency.Â
speak of the devil, your brother seems to have clocked that you have zero interest in what he has to say so he huffs, ordering another round for the table and telling you heâs going to find alex. he shuffles away and you subtly search for the british drivers mindful eyes, but heâs disappeared, left his entourage in the booth. you swallow disappointment that makes you feel pathetic, head in your hands against the bar top, but the lightest brush of fingers against your waist drags you out of your spiral. you know immediately.Â
âdid you dress like that for me, or are you just a slut?â heâs grinning, light and teasing, surprisingly sober, tipsy at most, just like you.Â
âi could ask you the same.â you smirk, blatantly eyeing his exposed chest. he shrugs, leaning in.Â
âmight have left an extra button undone just for you.â lando winks and you hope the lights hide the way you flush.Â
âsure you did, just for me and every other girl in here.â you challenge. his eyebrows furrow.Â
ânope. just for you.â his eyes darken, just a tad but enough that you notice. your mouth runs dry. âyou never replied to me.âÂ
ânot true, i liked the message.â you smile coyly, sipping your drink. your lipstick smears against the rim of the glass and you watch him stare at the print, tongue wetting his lips.Â
âyou are something else.â he shakes his head, pushing his curls back. it could be frustration, but he still seems at ease, like heâs enjoying your combative nature. you smile into the glass, hoping he doesnât notice. he does. âhow much have you had to drink?âÂ
âthis is my second.âÂ
âyou sober enough for me to take you home?â landoâs face is mere inches away from yours now, and you can feel the pull, desperate to crawl into the space that still remains and lose yourself there.Â
âdepends.âÂ
âon?â you truly exasperate him, but he thinks he loves it.Â
âif youâre actually gonna fuck me this time.â you casually take another sip, playing it off as if your crude words had no impact on you.Â
landoâs eyes widen at your bluntness, and so does his grin.Â
âmeet me by the valet.âÂ
lando leaves, and you quickly follow, downing the remnants of your glass and touching up your lipgloss.Â
-
alex watches from her booth, and pulls out her phone.Â
to: kika gomesÂ
oh, sheâs deeeeefinitely sleeping with lando!!! Â
-
pietra leans towards her boyfriend, close enough that he can hear her over the noise.Â
âisnât that charlesâ sister?â she shouts, pointing to the bar, where lando is stood.Â
max analyses the way heâs stood, leant against the bar, nice and close to the ferrari drivers little sister. he knows that look on landoâs face, and he knows it far too well. max pinches the bridge of his nose.Â
âoh for fuck sake.âÂ
-
itâs weird, sitting with him in silence. heâs only had half a drink, able to drive back through the winding hills to his apartment. you stare out the window, mostly, when you arenât staring blatantly and curiously at lando. you can see the sea, glistening under the moonlight and you wish you could focus on that instead, but heâs there, and you have to admit - begrudgingly, albeit - that heâs stunning. his hands wrap around the wheel tauntingly, as if heâs trying to convey how heâll touch you, all consumingly. your thighs press together, your fingers clasping together as if youâre subconsciously stopping yourself from reaching out for him prematurely.Â
as if he can hear your thoughts, his palm smoothes over the skin of your bare thigh, right where your dress has ridden up, without a second thought, nothing tentative about the way his digits curve around your skin.Â
âso, youâve been thinking about that night, then?â he breaks the silence, glancing over at you.Â
âwhat makes you say that?â you whisper, not even meaning to but the silence had been so heavy.Â
âwell, you only left with me on the condition iâd bend you over.â he laughs loud, whole and warm. you fight it, just for a second, but then you join in, giving in to him. you canât help it, he makes it easy.Â
âyou got me.â you concede, rolling your eyes. without realising it, youâve relaxed completely into his touch.Â
he pulls off of the road and into a private garage. you breath hitches.
-
âdo you want a drink orâŠ?â lando gestures blindly towards his kitchen, walking further into the apartment.Â
heâd spent the elevator ride up to his place leant against the opposite wall, taunting, making you wait. heâd let himself look at you, totally unabashedly, raking his eyes over your frame, meekly tucked into the corner, shy under his intense gaze but frustrated by his lack of urgency.Â
âiâm good. didnât come here for a tea party.â you hope your words push his buttons. they must, because he turns on his heel, facing you again, suddenly towering over you.Â
his eyes are steel, face serious, and you donât know what to do. youâve never seen him look at you like this.Â
âi think we need to work on your manners.â he speaks condescendingly, down at you, and if you werenât so needy, hadnât been waiting weeks, youâd turn around and leave just to really prove his point. but you stay planted, looking up at him through mascara coated lashes, softening you gaze until youâre sure youâre conveying faux innocence.Â
âmaybe we can work on them in your bedroom.â you truly donât know where you get this confidence from, heâs the second man to have ever touched you so intimately, but heâs magnetic, drawing you out of your own head and straight towards him.Â
he tugs you towards him, kissing you messily, right there in the dim light of his kitchen, pawing at your waist hungrily. his tongue brushes your and you moan, humming into his mouth at the faint taste of mint and vodka, long gone but you can taste everything. his thick fingers find your ass, hoisting you up until you have no option but to wrap your legs around him, your dress scratching at your thighs the higher it rides up, but all it does it turn you on more, rough sensations on sensitive skin.Â
lando walks you blindly to his bedroom, never breaking the kiss, and you wonder how many times heâs done this to get it down to muscle memory. the thought makes you nauseous, drags you mercilessly right back into your head, and you pull away, your lips barely brushing his.Â
âwhy me?â you breathe, panting into the shallow space where your mouths have parted.
âwhat?â he whispers, confused.Â
âwhy do you want to do this with me?â you have to check, past insecurities rising to the surface like bile in the back of your throat. he looks genuinely baffled and you feel foolish for ruining the moment.Â
âwhy wouldnât i? youâre gorgeous and-â he cuts himself off, his eyes glazing over. the demeanour slips and youâre stuck, his arms still tight around you, holding you close in the empty space at the foot of his bed.Â
âwhat?â you whisper.Â
âyouâre part of the same life.â the way he looks at you says words that he canât.Â
words that will sound too shallow and too selfish and too meaningless, even though you will understand them because youâre here for similar reasons, and therefore, they will mean too much.Â
you canât take things from him. you canât fake it. you canât break him into a million pieces when he finally discovers that you want him because of what he can give you.
you nod once, firm. Â
âi get it.â you smile sadly. lando wants to know more. he can find out some other time. a moment of clarity passes between you. âkiss me, again?â you ask. he delivers immediately.Â
kisses you all the way onto the bed. kisses you while he helps you take off your heels, while he drags the zipper of your dress down. you both feel safe now, understood, and that really moves things along.Â
âso pretty.â he mutters into your skin, shedding you of your tight dress.Â
your shaky fingers work over the buttons of his shirt, peeling it off of his broad shoulders, taking in the sight of him all over again. youâre left in your panties, braless already, and he gawks down at you, like heâs seeing everything for the first time. it makes you feel powerful.Â
âcan you hurry up?â you writhe, arching into his touch. he smiles, covering his body with yours and pressing a kiss to your lips. his fingers slide over the curves of your body, finding the band of your underwear and toying with it.Â
âwant me to take them off?â he purrs, trailing his lips down your jaw to just below your ear.Â
ânow.â you beg, eyes fluttering closed as his warm breath pricks at your skin, teeth nibbling. âno marks.â you whine, flashing back to the weeks over knowing looks and attempts at covering the last one up.Â
âwhat were we saying about manners, hm? gonna need to start hearing some âpleasesâ and âthank yousâ, okay, honey?â he bites down again, harder this time, and you squirm underneath him, your soft belly moulding to each dip of his abs.
his fingers dip into your panties, finding your clit amongst your wetness. you just about bite back a moan, but you canât help but roll your hips into his hand, his fingertips gliding easily through your folds.Â
âva te faire foutre.â you mutter, teeth gritting at the pleasure and his words. go fuck yourself.
âiâve lived in monaco long enough to know what that means.â lando whispers, pinching your clit once before plunging a finger inside of you.Â
you hiss, head thrown back, the feeling of him smiling against the hickey bittersweet. and to think, it was almost healed. you canât help but keen into his touch.Â
âmore,â you pant. âplease.â
âyou learn fast.â lando approves, and quickly fulfils your request, adding another finger.Â
they flex inside of you, grinding deeper and deeper until youâre whimpering his name and leaking down his wrist. your arms wrap around him, nails digging in to his smooth back, his ropey muscles tensing under your firm touch. his thumb bumps your clit, over and over, pushing you to the precipice, so close you can taste the impending orgasm on your tongue.Â
âitâs so good, merci, god.â you sound wrecked already, and lando canât wait to see how far he can push, how far apart he can take you. Â
âthat other fucking loser didnât know what he had, jesus, youâre so fucking hot.â he rasps, admiring the rise and fall of your chest, how your breasts bounce with every thrust of his fingers, the way his hand is glistening in the low light of his bedroom. his words are your undoing, the awe in his voice sending sparks shooting through every nerve ending.Â
âlando, âm gonna⊠putain!â the way you switch languages is sexy to him, tells him how scrambled your brain is, and he twitches in his boxers. when you cum, itâs as gorgeous and as enticing as the first time, and he jolts against your hip, desperate to get inside of you finally.Â
âyouâre so beautiful.â he groans, pulling his fingers from your entrance. he stares blindly at the mess youâve made on them, salivating, remembering the way you taste. itâs a no brainer for him, and he licks both digits clean, giving you just a moment to recover.Â
âi need you.â you whisper, your legs still spread, quivering slightly.Â
you pull him in once more, his covered crotch grinding against your slick and you cry out, the friction sending you into overdrive. his teeth dig into your shoulder, the sensation entrapping him, leaving him weak, ready to give you whatever you ask. he pushes his underwear away, and your eyes go wide.Â
âyou can have me,â he grunts, running his hand over himself. âthink you can take it?â he wets his lips and you think you could cum again at the sight of him. sweat slicked, tight curls falling over his eyes, lips licked pink and kiss swollen, hard and heavy in his own hand, body curved over yours possessively. youâre a simple woman, really.Â
âi think i can try.â you want to sound confident, but it comes out as a squeak.Â
he sits back on his knees and brings his free hand to cup your jaw.Â
âiâll go slow with you, honey, okay? you can tell me to stop.â lando promises. âyou sure you want this?âÂ
you nod, pouting up at him.Â
âi want you, i can take it.â you manage through a deep breath.Â
the stretch is brutal, splitting you in half. all you can do is breathe, watching the way he watches you, and thatâs what you hone in on, his pretty eyes watching where heâs filling you up. when he bottoms out, he stops for a second, scanning your face for discomfort.Â
âare you okay?âÂ
âcâmere.â you coo, and he falls back over you, paws at your waist. âmove, lando.â you plead.Â
itâs slow, deep, makes your toes tingle. you can feel each and every drag of him against your walls and it makes you dizzy, a knot twisting and tickling in your belly. your fingers are twisted around him, around his biceps, crumbling a little bit every time he flexes in your grip.Â
âoh, mon dieu.â youâre whimpering, legs wrapping around him like vines, tighter and tighter with every buck of his hips.Â
ââs it feel good, honey? yeah? youâre so fucking tight for me.â lando chokes, licking over the sweat on your collarbone. ââm i making it feel good?â he sounds so cocky, sexy, but thereâs a soft edge around his words. it matters to him, how heâs treating you, this, a certain delicateness hanging around your intertwined bodies like a cloud.Â
âso good, lando, so fucking good.â the words scratch your throat raw, and your teeth sink into your bottom lip.Â
âno, no, lemme hear you, pretty girl. can feel how close you are for me.â you can hear the edge to his voice, can tell the end is near for both of you, the way his words wobble despite his best attempts at hiding it. âneed you to look at me, and i need to hear you.âÂ
you donât even realise until then that your eyes are shut, screwed up tight as the pleasure rolls through your body, flooding each and every one of your senses. you free your lip, and everything pours out, whines, raw slurs of his name.Â
âiâm so close.â he grunts, watching the way your face moves, hanging on to every micro expression, the way you battle to keep all of your attention on him.Â
âfill me up.â you urge, squeezing his hips between your thighs. his eyes widen, the request slowly registering, and he blinks away the voice in his head telling him to do it.Â
âyou know i canât.â heâs firm, sensible even if you arenât.Â
âwant it so bad, lan, please, wanna feel it.â you reason, cupping his face and pushing his curls back.Â
ânot tonight.â
âyes, tonight. give it to me.â
âi said no, donât be a fucking brat.â he hisses, squeezing his eyes shut.Â
âknow you want it.â you whisper, seductive and devious. you can see his resolve slipping, tightening around him.Â
before you can say anything else, your hands are scooped up, pinned above your head. heâs right over you now, your hips perfectly aligned, and heâs driving so deep that you swear you can feel him in your tummy. his thrusts resort to a harsh grind, digging into each other with every snap of his pelvis.Â
âyou want it so bad? huh? fine.â he growls, forehead resting against yours. âwant me to cum in you, fuck it all back in? yeah, honey? you gonna keep it all in for me?â
âwhatever you want.â you promise, eyes rolling back in your head. âjust- please, please do it.â you pant, mouth dry.Â
âthatâs it, pretty girl, take it all for me.â he buries his face in your neck, nipping at your collarbone. âdoing so good.â the words fan against your throat, hushed, leaving you warm from the inside out, brainless.Â
when you spill around him, itâs at the same time as he lets go, and he fucks you through your orgasms. you go limp beneath him, taking it, letting it all wash over you, letting him wash all over you. you feel like you canât breathe, suffocating under the weight of him and the reality of what youâve just done. again. for some reason, you donât care, and decide that youâll do this again and again, anytime heâll have you. not that youâll ever tell him thatâŠÂ
âfuck.â he exhales, rolling off of you carefully, but the overstimulation - and then lack thereof - makes you wince, and he strokes your hip gently in apology.Â
âthat was better than i thought it would be.â you grin, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
âyou know, these are starting to sound kinda backhanded.â he beams, laughing breathlessly, but just as he begins to relax into his bedspread, he remembers. âoh fuck, shit, we need a pharmacy!â lando bolts up so that heâs sitting, scanning the room blindly for his clothes. you giggle and he snaps his head towards you, panicked.Â
âno, lando, we donât.âÂ
âall of that âuh, fill me up, please lando youâre so sexyâ talk means that, yes we absolutely do! fuck, how much is plan b these days?â heâs spiralling now, tugging at his curls.Â
âfirst of all, iâm on birth control. second of all, i donât sound like that, and most importantly, i did not call you sexy.â you smirk, stretching out your tight muscles.Â
âthatâs the most important part? woman, you nearly killed me.â lando gasps, slumping back down into bed.Â
ââm sorry, couldnât resist playing with you a little. good to know we share a kink, though.â your smirk turns into a coy smile, and you swing your shaky legs out of the bed, your feet sinking into the plush rug.Â
âoh, yeah? what other kinks are you hiding from me?â lando sits back against the headboard, tucking his hands behind his bed. you have to look away, or else youâll accidentally fall back into his bed.Â
âguess youâll have to wait and find out.â it makes him quirk an eyebrow, a look of understanding settling over his face.Â
âso this is gonna be a regular thing, yeah?âÂ
youâre putting your underwear back on when he says it, searching for your dress, but his words make you freeze. he sounds hopeful, and it makes your chest pang⊠wait, is that your heart?
âi donât⊠i mean, as you unfortunately know, i havenât done this before. i donât know how this works.â you say it so earnestly, so innocently, that his whole face softens, awestruck and boyish.Â
âi want it to be a regular thing.â he says it gently, like heâs offering it to you, to the universe.Â
âokay. me too.â you whisper back, shy under his gaze.Â
âare you⊠like, do you think youâll be sleeping with other people?â lando squeaks, doing a terrible job of playing it cool.Â
âfor so many reasons, no.â you grimace. âbut if weâre doing this then i wouldnât want to anyway.â you say softly. your dress is back on now, but he has you flustered, and you canât quite get the zipper.Â
âlemme help.â he offers, and heâs out of bed and before you in a matter of seconds. his calloused fingers graze your skin as he pulls the zipper together and up, adjusting your dress back into place. it feels so terrifyingly intimate, exciting, and you canât bring yourself to move away. âi wouldnât want to either.â he breathes the words quietly into the small space between you.Â
âokay.â you donât even try to hide the way you beam, staring up at him.Â
âiâll take you home, yeah?âÂ
âyeah.â
-
7. worth it
and so, begins a clandestine affair, touches in the shadows, subtle glances, watchful eyes.Â
one of you calls, the other comes, sneaking through doors that neither of you should enter, leaving bars a few minutes apart, making up excuses to get out of plans.Â
thereâs the time lando has you bent over the end of your bed, tears leaking into the mattress, slick everywhere. heâs so deep this way, hammering away at the special spot nestled within you that heâs become very familiar with. one of his hands is dragging your hips back to meet his thrusts, the other splayed out across your back, holding you down.Â
your phone rings. itâs alex. you were supposed to be a brunch twenty minutes ago. you groan out, frustrated in every sense of the word.Â
âanswer it, honey.â lando grunts, pulling you towards him even harder. you whimper, shaking your head, words dying on your tongue. âgo on, i know you can do it. wouldnât want alex to worry, would you? let her know youâre okay.â he coos, condescending.Â
heâs so arrogant, full of it, and you like the challenge. you canât let him win, canât let him revel in how fucked out he has you, so against your better judgement, you grab the phone, fingers shaking as you answer.Â
âhi, love. i know, iâm late! âm sorry, iâll be there soon!â you wince at the way your voice shakes. you hope she canât hear the way youâre panting, or the sound of his hips hitting yours.Â
lando slows his hips, hitting deep at such a torturously slow pace that feels a million times better than it already did. your free hand flies back, swatting at him.Â
âwhere the hell are you? i was worried!â alex sounds relieved, but thereâs something else in her tone that you canât quite decipher.Â
âiâm on my way, i promise! i was with arthur.â you lie, throwing your younger brother into the line of fire. you know, for credibility. alex is silent for a moment.Â
âoh, okay. well, get here soon, please! love you!â and with that, she hangs up the phone. you release a breath you were holding, crying out when lando immediately speeds up again.Â
âi hate you.â you choke, grinding your hips into him. lando just scoffs, sliding a hand under your belly, flush against the mattress. he finds your clit, playing with it, urging you quickly towards your release.Â
âno, you donât.â he laughs. âyou better cum for me, pretty girl, i think you have somewhere to be.âÂ
-
âiâm on my way, i promise! i was with arthur.â
alex has to bite back a laugh. she stares across the table, where arthur is having an avid debate with charles and joris. arthur, who had been with her and charles for hours.Â
âoh, okay. well, get here soon, please! love you!â alex hangs up the phone, giggling to herself. leo stirs in her lap.Â
âwhatâs so funny?â charles asks her. she shakes her head.Â
âoh, nothing, she just overslept.âÂ
-
thereâs the time where he has you hiked up on your kitchen counter, messy curls tickling the insides of your thighs. heâs licking at you ravenously, dragging his tongue up and down, twisting around your clit in circles.Â
youâre tugging on his hair, holding him close to where youâre aching, dripping, slicking up the lower half of his face. heâs groaning into you, starved and desperate. itâs been a week since youâve seen him, had him like this, the longest youâve done without him since the first time youâd had sex. its untamed and needy and you fear what it means, the way youâre so addicted to one another.Â
you also havenât seen your brother for a week, something you realise when you hear a key turn in the lock, down the corridor. you have seconds to react, the noise washing over you like a bucket of ice cold water. you squirm, pushing a very confused lando away, managing to kick him lightly in the head as you leap from the counter.Â
âmon dieu! fuck, iâm sorry!â you gasp.Â
âwhat the fuck is going on-â you cut him off, slapping your palm over his mouth.Â
you glance around frantically, looking for a way out of this. there is but one option available.Â
âthe balcony! just- fuck, get out there!â you shoo him over to the small window, begging him with your eyes. âplease! iâll get rid of him!âÂ
you can hear footsteps approaching. youâre sweating now, smoothing down your skirt and your hair anxiously.
charles calls your name, rounding the corner and walking into your kitchen, just as you pull the window closed again.Â
âshit, you scared me!â you fake, clutching your chest. you can feel your heart hammering.Â
âi did knock, sorry!â charles looks you over, scanning the kitchen. âare you okay?âÂ
âyeah, fine, sorry, i must have been out of it. iâm in the middle of an assignment.â you lie.Â
âoh okay, well i can always goâŠâ heâs looking at you weirdly, and you fear he knows something, that he can tell.Â
âcan we get dinner tonight? iâll book.â you offer, scratching your neck.Â
âyeah, thatâs great. are you sure youâre okay?â your brother asks, turning to leave.Â
âpromise, yeah, iâm just so busy with work, deadlines and all that.â you wrinkle you nose, feigning distaste.Â
âwell you can tell me all about it later, okay? love you.â charles says sincerely, smiling.Â
âlove you too.â you call, listening for the sound of the door closing behind him.Â
you immediately rush for the window, throwing it open, peeking your head out. lando stands with his back against the wall, shivering in nothing but a t-shirt. you look at him sheepishly.Â
âget back in here.â you tell him, standing back to give him space to crawl back through. ââm sorry.â you giggle.Â
âyouâre lucky youâre worth it.â lando teases, stalking towards you and wrapping you in his arms. his skin is cold against yours, and you huff, try and push him off. âhey, iâm cold!â he pouts.Â
âyou know, youâre lucky youâre worth it, i could have just let him murder you.â you reason, looking up at him. your hands slide around him, returning his embrace, warm hands skating up under his shirt.Â
âyou wouldnât.â he says simply. âiâm way too good in bed.âÂ
âyou keep telling yourself that, norris.âÂ
âi donât need to, you tell me more than enough.âÂ
lando leans down to kiss you, then, nothing all that unusual but it always feels like a step too far, intimate in a way that you two usually arenât. you kiss him back regardless, because really, you love it. he always tastes minty, divine when you let him lick into your
mouth.Â
âi believe we were in the middle of something.â he whispers.Â
âremind me.â you breathe.Â
-
and thereâs also the time where heâs fucking you in his drivers room, the massage table thudding dully against the wall with every hard thrust.Â
his race suit is pulled down just enough, your dress bunched around your hips, and heâs slamming into you mercilessly.
the whole thing was a blur, really; youâd always vowed that you would never have sex at a race track, but that promise was old news, now, broken the very second you caught the way he was staring at you. his eyes were hard, unreadable, jaw clenched as he glared at the man talking to you. you were just being friendly, catching up with franco, but lando wouldnât have it, not after such a shitty race. one harsh snap of his neck towards the mclaren motorhome had you quickly excusing yourself. you knew what it meant.Â
âyou donât talk to me at the track but you let him?â lando growls, rutting into you wildly. you cling onto the damp material of his racesuit, head thrown back.Â
âwas just saying hello.â you gasp out, opening your eyes to look up at him. heâs staring down at you, angry. itâs hot.
âi donât wanna see you talking to him. you see how he was looking at you? fucker should know who you belong to.â he hisses, sliding his hand between your legs. âyouâre gonna cum for me when i say, okay? and youâre gonna be nice and loud, honey. no holding back.âÂ
âlando iâm-â
âwhen. i. say.â he cuts you off, punctuating each order with a snap of his hips.Â
all you can do is take it, dripping all over him. you can hear it, the wet squelch of him filling you up.Â
âshould mark up this pretty neck, yeah? let everyone know that you already belong to someone.âÂ
you barely register what heâs saying, but the words leave you hot, pushing you even closer to the edge and you clamp down around him.Â
âsqueezing me so tight, bet youâve wanted me all day, huh, honey? saw you looking at me earlier, pretending like you werenât when i caught you. couldnât just asked and i wouldâve fucked you right then.â lando grunts. you wail out, thrashing against the makeshift bed and he nods, letting you know itâs okay.Â
âthatâs right, pretty girl, thatâs it. been so good letting me have you. cum for me, baby.âÂ
baby.
itâs the first time heâs ever called you that. itâs the final push you need.Â
he collapses into you as he finishes, sweaty curls plush against your bare shoulder. youâre both panting, spent, basking in the moment of silence.
âthank you.â he whispers, sealing it with a kiss against your neck. it tingles, a foreign feeling settling in your belly, shooting through your veins.Â
âyou drove really well.â you reply, quiet. his breathing halts, a self deprecating laugh filling the room.Â
âdonât do that.âÂ
âwhat?âÂ
âact like you were watching my race. charles have a great drive, that must have been a lot more interesting.âÂ
âmaybe, but i was watching you.âÂ
your words hit him hard. he canât help but kiss you. you swallow a moan, and a whole heap of feelings that youâre too scared to tackle.Â
âyou better go. will i see you in brazil?âÂ
âyeah, lando. you will.âÂ
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youruser: hola chica đ€
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alexandrasaintmleux: my beautiful girlies
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-
PART TWO IS HERE!
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